What is wrong with you? You were up late and now we’re combing the coast before the sun has even hinted at rising. Rest is hard to come by. I’m strugglin and this tiny cup of coffee ain’t cuttin it. Sure it’s warm, but we all know what’s next. That damn wetsuit. The salty, sandy, sodden wetsuit is sure to zap all my heat at once. Didn’t think to hang it up yesterday? Didn’t bother. Not to mention the frigid sand itself. No booties eh?
So we’re here, swimming out into the dark abyss. Don’t sharks feed at dawn and dusk? Are you even considering our long term health? You can’t see the sets coming, don’t even pretend you can. After all of this you ask me to go. You huck me over a moving ledge with little hope of a happy ending. Near drowning, more like it. You pompous ass. Throttled and bent, tweaked and aching you refuse to swim in. Those other guys have feet of foam, we’re not meant to be here. I can’t breathe water. Stop half-assing your swims under the waves. Making this swim longer. Speaking of which, why the hell did we swim out straight into this mess? No channel? No swim around. Is that reef? Seriously?
Water is cold and now the sun is scorching. Did you forget sunscreen? I know you forgot Vaseline. Rubbin raw man! Isn’t an hour enough? On that wave, the big teepee. Yeah, good choice. That glide felt spectacular. In and out! Boom. Let’s end it. Call it a day. Ride the whitewater in with a smile. We may have time to catch some of the game. Never enough. Greedy fool. Why must you push me to exhaustion? One too many, here comes the free fall. Instead of riding in like a king you wanna be washed up like a beached whale. Fat, over zealous meat-head. While we’re lyin’ here, a limp mess of muscle and rubber on the sand, take a second and plan some better choices for the future. You’re getting old. The grays came in so fast. Get a life. Find a hobby. I bet you don’t have to get up at 4:30am to learn the banjo.